Ok, ladies. Here is something that will make some of you feel better. I married a man child. I am not talking about the man child of Juno who wears stupid shirts and makes dumb ass jokes. I mean the man child that has some serious damage to his responsibility chip. I have met his Mother and after over 10 years of marriage I have a good idea of how he was raised and I assure you it was not in a zoo. There were rules in his home, he was taught manners and how to clean up after himself, however somewhere along the way he forged new rules for himself.
Fret not I have complied the following list of tips on how to deal with your man child along with positive things about raising your man child. Note to all the men reading this thinking I am a crazy feminist bitch, well you are only partially right. AND keep in mind there has to be a point when I say enough is enough.
- The men who know your man child will know that you are crazy based on all the stories they hear so they will not fuck with you. Trust me when you go to a work function or party and no one will sit with you or make eye contact you know you have established your dominance. The ones that do sit with you are good people keep them close.
- At your own job you will have NO problem dealing with any kind of man that walks in the door. You have seen it all at home! Got a male coworker that thinks he is hot shit and the “alpha” male? Or maybe he is lazy and doesn’t want to do shit? Good news for you! Your man child has already gone through all those phases and you know how to handle the situation! Oh and a bonus to this is you have also dealt with the attitude of a 14 year old girl from your man child so if they give you a ‘tude (which they will, most men do when faced with a strong woman) you will know exactly how to handle your shit. Wives of man children don’t cry that easily, our tears have already been used up on the male species. NEXT!
- When it comes to teaching your grown children how to drive a car you will already have the technique down pat. You know what apps to download so they focus on the road and not check game notifications while going down an 8% grade in Washington State in February. You have already had the “you are responsible for every other person on the road therefore you better drive according to the law or you are going to kill other drivers” talk. You already have a fund saved for the inevitable car accident you will have to fork out $500 for because their father has already snuck an accident up on you right before you are about to come home from a work trip, the day care bill is due and the dog needs surgery that you have to have the funds to cover. All at the same time. Chances are the man child is going to know you will be upset so prepare for the attitude or “I am so sorry” you will be getting after you find out. (see PRO #2)
- You are so equipped to deal with reoccurring problems most especially if they are the same problem over and over again! In fact you might as well operate the ice cream machine at McDonalds that is always broken for the same damn reason. See you love the ice cream. It’s so good and creamy and not too high in calories. You can eat it in the summer and the winter. That is why you keep coming back to the ice cream machine. You love it. You pray that management will get its shit together and fix its problems and become more reliable, but until then you have to lay down some mental whoop ass til that creamy delight comes around.
- And this bring me to my final pro. Man children are trusting, loyal (if you cheat on him you are just a bitch) and they will deal with a higher level of crazy. The last thing I want to do is make you feel bad about anything but let’s be real here we aren’t perfect! My suggestion is periodic therapy. There is no shame in asking for help EVER. Every adult needs to realize that there is NEVER EVER any shame in getting help. Whether it be your marriage or handling your money. Get the help.
There you have it! The mostly complete list of pros of being with a man child! Now I know the best therapy is talking to your girlfriends about how to handle a man child. Always remember this shit ain’t personal!